Bends And Turns

17 09 2008

This time last year–I was happily painting away on the interior of our home.  I never dreamed that a year later I would be wearing a prothesis because of a mastectomy, that the factory my husband works at would be laying people off and that I would have a diagnosis of hearing loss in both of my ears.  Life works that way.  One never knows what is around the bend.  In the Holy Gospels, Christ continually tells people that there is no security apart from security in the Godhead of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I’ve talked before how fragile life is.  I never ceased to be amazed at how one day can change one’s life forever.

I’ll never  forget the day I first learned that I had breast cancer.  I was stunned beyond words.  Yet, I learned to adjust to and accept my cancer. Now I have a new trial facing me.  This time last year I did notice that one ear was not working as well as the other.  I chose to just live with it–until recently.  My family kept noticing that I was not hearing clearly.  It became a new family joke.  I have taken a great deal of ribbing from my family.   I can hear my music, the dogs barking, the train whistles around town and so forth.  Yet, listening to people –especially group conversations have been very difficult for me.

I finally saw an ear, nose and throat specialist after Labor Day.  He couldn’t find any major sinus problems or ear wax that would cause me to have hearing loss.  His audiologist gave me an extensive test.  She found that I actually have hearing loss in both ears but my right ear has the most severe problem.  If I put my hand over my left ear and try to understand what one is saying–it is futile.  I can’t hear consonants at all.  I rely heavily on my left ear to distinguish the clarity of one’s speech.  Thus, next week– my hearing aids will be ready and I will learn a new way of life.  My right  ear actually starts hurting if I’m exposed to much noise for an extended period of time.  This is just another bend in the road for me.  That is the way my entire life has been lived.  Always there seems to be a crisis of some kind.  For me to say that I control my own destiny would be a joke.  I learned as child that I had to have faith in God.  I have always known that I couldn’t live without my faith.

As a child, especially at night–alone in my room–I would look at the starts and moon and talk to God the best that I knew how.  I wasn’t taken to church on a regular basis when my parents were still married.  But deep inside–i believed in God.   My faith has been tested and tried over and over in my life.  As I look backward over my life–I can see how wonderfully blessed I am.  I think especially about how my mother was sort of a pioneer in the l960’s as a working single mother.  The fact that she was able to go back to college for two months to renew her teaching certificate is a miracle in itself.  She had not taught school in twelve years.  Yet she finished her course work and got a teaching job all in a summer’s time.  I marvel at God’s providence in the life of my mother. My three brothers and I were extremely blessed by our mother’s faith and courage.

I’m not alone in this new trial.  My family is very supportive of me.  And yes, they can still tease.  My son, Ben, will mouth words of silence to tease me.  I know he means nothing vindictive.  We are a family that laughs and cries together.  Moreover, my church family is a great comfort.  I’m honored and touched that each Sunday during the Great Entrance in our Divine Liturgy–my priest calls out my name in prayer.  He calls me Nichole–for that is my baptismal name.  I never asked him to put my name on his list.  But he  has been very kind to continually call out my name in prayer each Sunday morning.

God is not against us planning for our lives the best we can.  Yet, there are trials that come our way that can sweep all plans into the ocean.  We must always take our refuge in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I encourage my readers to read the Holy Gospels on a regular basis.   The Gospels have been both a comfort and a sword to my life.  May they continue to do their work in each of our lives. 

May God bless each of you!

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4 responses

20 09 2008
Frugal Trenches

What a beautiful post. I like that you all laugh and cry together. You know, just going to mass made me feel in awe of what God does do for us. Thank you again for the push & reminder.

20 09 2008
nichole3

Dear Frugal Trenches,
What a delight to hear from you. I am glad that you are going to Mass. I hope to catch up with you soon. I don’t have as much time to check blogs or to write as I once did. I will check in with you soon.

Nichole

1 10 2008
Roads

I’m full of admiration for your dignity and resolve, Nichole.

1 10 2008
nichole3

It is good to hear from you Roads and as always I appreciate your comments.

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