A Cancer Update, The Routines of Life and Music For The Soul

11 12 2007

Our home is quiet now.  Rudy, my dog is sitting in my lap.  The only light in this room is coming from the computer screen and the Christmas tree.  I enjoy this special time in the evening.  After being home for two days, Jim had to be in bed by 7:00p.m. for tomorrow’s work schedule.  I just love having the quiet house to myself tonight. 

Today was the long awaited day to see my surgeon.  He explained to me how deadly my cancer was.  All along, I’ve just not soaked that in.  I knew I had cancer.  I was somewhat disturbed.  However, the word “deadly” had never been verbally spoken until today.  The good thing is that it is not a fast growing cancer.  Amazement was written all over his face–that it was caught so early.  For you see, my growth isn’t even quite a 1/2 of a centimeter.  We decided that a total  mastectomy of my right side was in order.  I’m a third generation breast cancer patient.  During my surgery, he will take out 3-5 lymph nodes and a pathologist will test them right in the operating room.  If there is cancer, then he will remove all 50 plus nodes.  If not,  no more will be removed.  My surgery will be December the 28th.

We also talked about getting the genetic blood test.  My primary care physcian in Clarksville, Tn., wanted me to get that done after surgery– at the end of January.  Now, we’ve decided that it should be done before surgery.  If I test positive–we will probably remove my other breast.  We also talked about reconstructive surgery.  That will come at another time–when I’ve had time to recover.  I had hoped against hope–that I would not need chemotherapy.  However, if the growth proves to have been either estrogen or progesterine positive–I will have to have at least 6 months of chemotherapy.

I told Jim this afternoon that losing my hair bothers me more than losing my breast.  That is absolutely silly!  I know I will accept it –if and when that time comes.  I will wear a hat though.  There is something about a bald head on a female that is rather uncomfortable to me. 

After the doctor’s visit, we enjoyed eating lunch out.  My son and his wife had given us a gift certificate to eat out several weeks ago.  We had decided to wait until this day to enjoy that gift.  Upon arriving home–there were phone calls to make and emails to write.  I also had to get ready for my 50 year old piano student.  Jim had to pick up John from Kindergarten and Alex from his sitter.  I was thankful for routines that kept me from thinking about myself.

I hadn’t seen my student for three weeks, as she has had sickness in her family.  It was so good to see her.  I love teaching adults piano.  They often have had lessons in their childhood and want to pick up where they left off.  I laugh with her a great deal.  We have so much fun together.  I told her not to give up on me–that no matter what happens–I will still teach her. 

As I was finishing up her lesson, Jim and little Alex walked in.  They went straight to the computer to play games.  When Glenda left, I was searching for John.  “Where is John”?  Alex couldn’t stop giggling.  I looked in my closet and under the desk.  He was nowhere to be found.  Finally, my guys told me that they had stopped at Mary’s home first.  John had wanted to visit with Mary a bit.  Soon, Mary and John made their entrance.  John had a little secret that only Mary knew.  He loved letting me know that I would never know his little secret. 

We sat around the table with Mary.  Alex grabbed the library books and wanted me to read each one.  His attention span is not quite ready to listen to every word .  We read mostly by going through the pictures ,to get to the heart of the story.  Soon, their daddy arrived.  Mary went home.  We had a quiet, simple meal.  We had more emails to get out and prayers to pray. 

I then had kitchen chores to complete.  I make Jim’s lunch each night.  I also fix his medicine and make his breakfast.  He has to be at work by 4:00 a.m.–so I try to make his life a little easier by having everything ready for him.  The dogs and cats always need their food refreshed.  Litter boxes are checked and cleaned.  I just can’t blog or have any kind of fun until chores are done.

I looked through my musical library and found a whole book of Chopin.  I’ve played so much Mozart, Beethoven, Bach and Debussy.  I’ve decided that I’m going to spend my months of recovering studying Chopin.  I’m looking forward to a new challenge.  Music has always been a part of my life.  Always, music has comforted my soul.  I spent long hours at the piano when I was growing up.  It helped sooth my pain of growing up in a single parent home. 

However, the real balm of my soul is Christ.  He is first and foremost my healer and comforter.  I read the scriptures and the stories of the saints who have gone on before me.  I pray the Lord’s prayer often.  I try to think of others and pray for many who are struggling in their own lives. 

So thank the Lord for wonderful doctors, everyday routines and the beauty of music!

God bless each of you!

p.s.  I want to put a plug in for my daughter Vera’s new blog.  She writes much deeper and more intense than I do.  She has some great things to share.  You can click on her blog “Operation Meaning” at the bottom of my webpage. 




One response

12 12 2007

Mom, your writing amazes me. I wish I could write such touching personal things. Love, Vera

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