St Nicholas Day, Hair Coloring Night And I’ve Been A Little Down

6 12 2007

This is the wonderful day of celebration of my patron saint.  I chose St. Nicholas, because he is the patron saint of children ,as well as many other categories of life.  I had a very lonely childhood.  There was a void in my heart that lasted well into my forties.  I like to describe it as a soul hunger.  I just craved for someone to fill that deep void in my heart.  Having a husband and four children didn’t even fill that void.  I was a person of faith, but I couldn’t seem to get my faith to even  heal this void.  Then in my late forties—thankfully, that soul hunger passed.  Sure I get down at times.  However, I don’t feel the need for any one person or any type of activity to fill that void.  So that is why I chose St. Nicholas.  Each Sunday, as I walk up to receive the Eucharist–my priest calls me Nichole.  Orthodox Christians are always called by their baptismal name while partaking of the Holy Eucharist.

Now to a very earthy subject–hair coloring.  I’m sitting here with goop all over my head.  I’ve been using a light auburn or a light golden brown for years.  When I first started greying, I had it professionaly colored for about a year.  Then Jim told me I better learn to do it myself.  So I’ve been coloring my hair for nine years now.  I just recently had my long hair cut to prepare myself for cancer surgery.  So it seemed strange tonight coloring much shorter hair.  I’m having a hard time adapting to this short hair.  It is thick and frizzy.  I didn’t notice the frizziness so much when it was long , because I used hot rollers to keep it curly.  How vain I’ve been worrying my hair.  I’ve had to confess that vanity quite a few times this week.  I’m still hoping I won’t have to have radiation or chemotherapy.  Short and frizzy will be a blessing–if I can keep my hair.

I’m the one who decided I wanted a few weeks before I even talked to a surgeon.  I’m not sure that was a wise decision.  I’ve been nesting like a woman does when she is getting ready to have a baby.  I just keep thinking of things that I need to get done.  I’m never satisfied that I have worked hard enough in a given day.  Yet I don’t loaf.  I never watch television.  And movies are reserved for the evenings when Jim doesn’t have to work the next day. 

As the days go by–the darkness of the late fall evenings make me a bit afraid.  I have never liked how dark it gets so early in the evening.  I’m thinking to hard about how my life is about to change.  I try not to write scripts.  Nevertheless, they run through my head.  I’m not afraid and yet I am.  I do know that my faith will see me through.  What a wonderful family I have to support me.  As I sit here in the semi dark, with the christmas lights of my tree reflecting the only light in this room–I know I’m not alone.  So many have told me that my name is on their church’s prayer list.  I’m grateful for that. 

In the morning, I will naturally fall into my routine of daily life.  I won’t think much about cancer or hospitals or chemotherapy–until the evening.  I have to remind myself that I’m not unique.  And, I’d rather have cancer of my body–than cancer of my soul.  I’m trying my best to be gentle, kind and loving to all persons I come in contact with each day.  I’m especially aware of how important it is to be kind and loving to my family.  For you see, family usually always get the brunt of unkindness.  Yes, I will continue to seek the Lord, to pray for the fruit of the spirit to reflect in my life– no matter what my circumstances are.

It’s time to get this goop rinsed out of my hair.  Then I look forward to catching up on my blogs. Jim has been home for two days.  I try to let him have priority with the computer when he is home.  He is sound alseep now.  It is finally my turn. 

God bless each of you.




4 responses

7 12 2007

Mom, I loved this blog. It was so tender and full of real emotions. I didn’t know that it was your decision to wait so long to see a surgeon. I thought that the 11th was the first date available. You’re an inspiration to me. Love, Vera

7 12 2007

I could have chosen another surgeon but I decided to wait for the one I wanted. So, yes, I did have to wait to get into this one but I probably could have already had my operation if I had chosen the first available. Thank you for writing. It has been tougher than I let people know in just surface talking.

19 05 2008
Michelle Melania

This is my first visit to your blog. I hope that you will post again because I’ve really enjoyed reading it!

19 05 2008

Thank you! So much has happened since I wrote this post in December. I hope you will browse through my archives.


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